Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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