her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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