Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
