As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
