This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
