I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
