I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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