what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
