sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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