If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
