Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
