True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
