if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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