I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
