Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
