He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
