I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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