i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
