I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
PANTIES FOUND
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