Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
