Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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