There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
