Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
