You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
