I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
