Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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