I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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