You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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