Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
