I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
