T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
