i think i have two assholes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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