the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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