apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
