**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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