I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
