I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
