Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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