sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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