no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
