I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
