): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
