so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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