9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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