oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
