trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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