Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
