i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
