Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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