Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
