Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
